A Letter to Two Fathers
June 21, 2020
Dad,
You left when I was nineteen. I was still just a boy. It shames me to say this, but I can’t even remember how our last conversation went. It would have been when I was leaving home to go back to college after winter break. I hope I told you that I loved you and gave you a hug, but knowing how I was back then I’m not sure that I did.
아버님,
You left my birth mom before I was born. Did you even know she was pregnant? Would you have been happy to know you were going to have a son? Do you think we could have lived together as a family?
Dad,
We drifted apart when I was a teenager. I was young, vulnerable, and in need of a guardian and a guide. You didn’t know how to be a father, so I put up walls around myself. I don’t blame you, your own father died when you were still a little boy yourself. You would yell at me, and I would push you even further away. But you were still my dad. I’m sorry.
아버님,
You chose to leave because you and mom didn’t get along. You were living in poverty, and knew you couldn’t support a family. Did you and mom love each other? What did you think the first time you saw her, was she pretty? How did you ask her out on your first date?
Dad,
Some of my earliest memories are riding in the car with you. We’d drive up the big hill at Eagle Rock, listening to cassette tapes of the Beatles. I remember watching Star Wars and going to baseball games together. After you left, these pasttimes were painful. I tried my best to run away from them because they reminded me of you.
아버님,
You left without ever knowing me. I don’t resent you. I have very few thoughts or feelings towards you. We will never meet, but I do hope you are healthy and living a good life.
Dad,
You left without saying goodbye to me. You took your own life, and robbed me of the only father I ever knew. You shattered my adolescence and forced me to become a man, long before I was ready or able. I miss you.
Sincerely,
Your son
Love,
Patrick